Hope and nihilism

I have always been a new age believer. Judging everyone including myself in the harshest way is something I would never admit to before today. I constantly cling to the idea that I landed on this planet from a more loving planet. Where I did not judge and was not judged by the harsh meanie in my sole. However some how at this point in my life it is very difficult to push away the truth. The truth is I judge myself and everyone in the most harshest and disturbing way. Being human is a harsh, harsh oxymoron.

The only thing I trully love on this planet is a good oxymoron. It is truth and the most fundamental element that makes complete sense. I feel the most pleasure in oxymorons. My new you tube channel that might or might not be will be named “Nihilistic Astrology”! Astrology like gravity is a believe. Nihilism is the believe in nothing, and therefore nihilistic astrology is an oxymoron.

When I painted these paintings I thought my judgements on society were correct. While I kinda wish I felt like my judgements are right and visionary, I do not feel it. This week has pushed me past believing I have any visionary ideas. Possibly I have only harsh judgements about myself and others. There might be some other virtues that I cannot recognize at this moment.

I am currently trying to connect and welcome optimism and support. I have no quick answer or idea. My solid believes are now liquid and changeable. I cannot judge or convince you because I have no idea what is correct. These paintings express ideas that were true for me when I painted them. At this point they are true but they also express the harshness of my judgment of what it means to be human. I am human and I forgive myself for not living up to my own ideas of who I should be as I say:

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