While I use to talk to you daily after your untimely passing, I kinda drifted off. Not exactly sure why as it was always comforting to talk to you. It felt like you were so close. I think in some ways I did not think you were dead. As if I really knew what that meant anyway. You were gone and everyone was sad but I always felt you.
Once I grewed up I think I resented you for just fucking dying. Especially because my last words to and about you were “he is lying, make him go to Sunday School. He just wants to stay home and bug me.” You went to Sunday school and I never saw you again. I always comforted myself with the idea if you would have fainted at home. I would not know what to do so maybe it was better that you went.
However mom and dad were so sad, to survive they kinda dissappeared you. You were removed from photo albums, and home movies. The only picture that remained was the one of you in that plaid shirt. Somehow as I aged I thought life was a bit of a cruel joke. I mean you went off to Sunday School and fainted and died, after I was an annoying sister. What the fuck dude!
I am finally ready to forgive you, the goddess and myself for you just dying. I think in some ways I needed to wait until mom and dad could be with you again. As you really made them sad. While we never talked about your death and you did not have an open casket, I finally made it to therapy. After dad died I went to therapy and finally talked and talked about how your death made me feel. I might even be healthy now. I mean it comes and goes. Some days I still find the angry teenager in my sole, until I stoke my hair, and whisper Its okay, its all okay. David did what he needed to do.
It still sort of boggles my mind.
However I then remember how nice it was being your sister for 4 years. Instead of focusing on your departure, I want to thank you for being my little bro. You helped me realize I need to say the good stuff. I love pondering on the good stuff, it makes me feel good. There are kind people doing acts of kindness all the time. I will remember to see and be kindness. Thank you, Bro.